Resolved...

FAQ on Christianity For Unbelievers

1. Q: How long have Christians been around?
2. A: While many people see Christians as a brand new and quite scary thing, records show Christians have been around since at least the 1950s, and maybe even much earlier.
3. Q: Don’t Christians know how weird and old-fashioned following the Bible makes them? Everyone else is fine with swearing, sex on TV, and abortion. Why do they have to be so different?
4. A: To Christians, following the ways of God is more important than fitting in with societal norms. Thus they are gladly counter-cultural.
5. Q: So they’re like hipsters?
6. A: Yes, except everything they do is unironic.
7. Q: And don’t Christians know that there is no more need for Jesus, since we have lasers and rockets and other science stuff?
8. A: Science covers physical and temporary things, while religion covers spiritual and eternal things, so Christians still feel religion is very important — even more important than science.
9. Q: That’s blasphemy! Nothing is more important than science! How can they think such things?
10. A: Maybe they didn’t watch "Beakman’s World" when they were young.
11. Q: I’m pretty sure Christians are judgmental. Like that Tim Tebow, I’m pretty sure he’s judging me.
12. A: I’m not even sure he’s aware you exist.
13. Q: Are Christians allowed to own businesses?
14. A: Under current understanding of the law, they are in fact allowed to own businesses, and many do.
15. Q: Are you going by a strict constructionist interpretation of the First Amendment where the words actually mean things?
16. A: Yes.
17. Q: And what’s with Christians’ constant opposition to abortion?
18. A: I have no idea. It’s hard to imagine how anyone could find anything wrong with that.
19. Q: I think you’re mocking me.
20. A: I wouldn’t do that.
21. Q: Despite your explanation of Christians, I’m still afraid of them and their Christiany ways and know they’re just waiting to judge me.
22. A: There is nothing to fear from Christians. They’re people, just like you and me, who are trying to center their lives around God instead of the ways of this world. Also– AHH! DON’T TURN AROUND! TIM TEBOW IS BEHIND YOU, AND HE’S SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DISGUST!
23. Q: What? Where? I don’t see him!
24. A: It was a false alarm… this time.